


Heart and Soul

by charleydear



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bickering, F/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Or Is It?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charleydear/pseuds/charleydear
Summary: "Oh my god isthisyour wife?" Bill's mouth dropped open in disbelief. "You've got your wife locked in a box in the basement?!"The woman grinned at Bill, lounging on the piano bench in her nonsensical, Victorian clothes."No." The Doctor stated firmly, but the woman exclaimed at the exact same moment, "Yes!"
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Twelfth Doctor/Missy, Twelfth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86





	Heart and Soul

_“Wait.” Bill looked the Doctor up and down, taking in his worse-for-wear jacket, overgrown hair, and hawk-like eyebrows. “You're married?” She couldn’t imagine this strange man ever settling down with anyone._

_The Doctor looked back at her with an impish expression._

_“I know, all the good ones are always taken." He smirked, then turned on his heels._

_Bill stood for a moment, stunned into silence, as she processed that fact. This man was proving himself stranger than she had ever thought he was._

Bill had put aside the strange admission in the weeks since, until one afternoon when she followed the Doctor down to a storage area in the basement, where he'd insisted he had to do an "errand." 

"Oh my god is _this_ your wife?" Bill's mouth dropped open in disbelief. "You've got your wife locked in a box in the basement?!"

The woman grinned at Bill, lounging on the piano bench in her nonsensical, Victorian clothes. 

"No." The Doctor stated firmly, but the woman exclaimed at the exact same moment, "Yes!" 

The Doctor's eyebrows furrowed and he stalked up towards the woman, his tone darkening. 

"Would you shut up about that? We were teenagers, everyone does stupid things when they're teenagers!"

The woman sat up in her seat, glaring daggers at the Doctor. "Oh, certainly they do! But those stupid things are usually going drinking with Shobogans and streaking through the park, not marrying your best friend for a laugh!"

The Doctor ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. The anger left his voice, leaving behind only frustration and what almost seemed like hurt. "It wasn't- it wasn't just for a laugh." 

They shared a silent moment, the history between them falling open like a book.

"You're the one who pretended it never happened, besides." He finally spoke in a low tone that only the pair of them could hear. 

Bill started to turn towards the door, not wanting to intrude on the strange, private conversation any longer. 

"I think I should probably go..."

The Doctor looked up sharply at Bill, then strode back towards her, leaving the woman behind at her piano. 

"Bill, this is Missy." The Doctor gestured towards the woman, who was gently pecking at a few piano keys as they spoke. "Missy is not my wife."

"But I am!" Missy insisted. 

"But she's not." The Doctor flashed his patented 'let's change the subject and forget all about this' smile. 

"Alright, I'm not _that_ wife." Missy conceded, stumbling through an off-key rendition of Heart and Soul. 

"You've got two wives?" Bill finally spoke, looking at the Doctor and Missy with an expression of doubt and disbelief. 

"And a few husbands, too!"

Bill's mouth hung open, and she glanced between the pair, attempting to organise her scattered thoughts. 

"Is this like a cult thing? Are you initiating me?" 

"No!" The Doctor replied in exasperation. 

"Yes!" Missy grinned as she played, delighted at the chaos. 

"Will you _shut up_ , Koschei!" The Doctor shouted. 

The music stopped, with a discordant clang. 

"Oh, bringing out the academy names. Someone's in a state." 

The Doctor sighed, then turned to Bill. 

"Missy and I are....very old friends." 

"Keep telling yourself that!" Missy chirped, resuming her lounging on the bench. 

"We grew up together." The Doctor gave a warning glance at Missy, but she made no reply. "And Missy has made some big mistakes, so it's my responsibility to watch over her while she...learns from them." 

Bill glanced around the room, taking it in. 

"So...you married a criminal?"

"TWO!" A thud on the piano keys. 

"I thought you were like, some lonely space grandad in space retirement." 

"He is!" Missy grinned, getting up from her bench to slowly circle the platform. "The serial bachelor finally settles down with a job and a girl, but whoops! It's the wrong one!" 

Bill watched as Missy paced, her grin falling into a scowl. 

"This is a lot to process, Doctor."

"He married Cleopatra, too, did he tell you that?" Missy turned and began to pace in the other direction. 

"Only because River did first!" The Doctor turned on his heels, glaring at her. 

"Shame I never got to meet you when you were all...leggy." Missy ran her tongue across her teeth. "We could've had such fun. I'd have yanked that stupid bow tie off y-"

Bill had officially reached her limit. 

"You know what, I think you two have some issues you need to sort out. So I'm gonna go...get coffee with Nardole." She put on a false smile, and turned to leave through the still open door. 

"Nardole has a dairy allergy and scones make him hyperventilate, but by all means, you two go get coffee!" The Doctor retorted to the back of Bill's head.

"Mhm. You two have fun!" 

"He's also married to Elizabeth the First!" Missy shouted from her piano bench at Bill's retreating form.

"And you were the Prime Minister! For _two years!_ "

Bill closed the door.

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
